I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize