I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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