I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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