hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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