I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize