Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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