Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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