my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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