does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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