Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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