it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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