i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am available for nakedness
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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