Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize