just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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