Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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