I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize