I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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