Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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