im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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