I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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