well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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