Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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