Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize