I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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