Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
not ubering you a puppy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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