Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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