Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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