Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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