Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize