he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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