sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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