nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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