I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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