Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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