if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
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needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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