Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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