Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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