Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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