God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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