apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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