Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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