So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Text me some of your sweat
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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