Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize