so explain again why im purple
no
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
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I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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