new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize