I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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