There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
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I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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