Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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