so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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