Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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